In this lesson, you’ll learn how to identify the underlying causes of your personal challenges by exploring past experiences and understanding how they may be limiting your success today. You’ll delve into self-reflection, uncovering deep-seated issues that contribute to your struggles, and begin developing strategies to overcome them. By identifying the root causes, you’ll be better equipped to make meaningful changes and achieve your goals.
- 2 Hours
- Workbook Pages 7-10
- Assements
- Exercises
- Video
Are you someone who dwells on your struggles instead of taking action? Do you feel like your challenges have limited you? The truth is, most people avoid facing their problems, and that’s exactly why they stay stuck. The real issue isn’t the circumstances—it’s often avoiding discomfort and skipping the consistent work it takes to succeed.
In order to succeed, we have to first believe that we can overcome the past and that it doesn’t have to haunt us forever. We ask ourselves, “Why am I not having success?” According to psychodynamic theory, unresolved negativity in our past often blocks us from achieving success. That’s a fancy way of saying that scary, threatening experiences can haunt us by warning us not to go down certain paths again. If public speaking was terrifying, it’s a dark, spooky path to avoid. If first dates have been a nightmare, they’re not seen as an option in the future. Sometimes negativity is more generalized, based on childhood experiences of not being safe or understood.
To give you an example, Sonya came to my Fitness Retreat feeling out of control. Her IT job kept her constantly traveling, and over a year, she gained 20 pounds. She felt stuck—turning to food, losing sleep, and telling herself she couldn’t fix it. But at Fitness Retreat, everything changed for her. Using the same methods from my Weight Loss Warrior course, we gave her the tools, structure, and accountability to break the cycle.
She arrived hoping to lose just three pounds and left eight pounds lighter—not just physically, but mentally stronger with a plan to keep going. Sonya realized she didn’t need quick fixes or shortcuts. What worked was a real plan, consistent effort, and the mindset to push through self-doubt.
Here’s the key: You have to be honest with yourself. Excuses like blaming weight on “big bones” or genetics won’t get you anywhere. Sonya faced her challenges, trusted the process, and saw results she didn’t think were possible. My program gives you the tools to succeed, but you have to show up and do the work. When you’re ready to face what’s stopping you, nothing can hold you back.
ACTIVITY | IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM
Let’s truly indentify the problem. Using the work book (Page 00) follow the steps to identify the problems that may relate to more than just your weight.
NOTE: Using the information from your previous exercises and assesments can help you answer these questions more honestly and effectively!
EXAMPLE:
NOTE | No need to download if workbook availble.
The first step to fixing any problem is identifying it, and this is where real change begins. Once you understand the root cause and how it’s affecting you, you’ll be in control. There’s always a reason behind failures, and once you uncover it, you’ll never have to let it hold you back again.
A powerful way to uncover the root cause is by using the Four Whys. This simple method gets you to look at your problem from four different angles, helping you dig deeper and discover what’s really stopping you. It’s straightforward, effective, and an exciting step forward—all it takes is honest self-talk.
Problem: Why am I overeating at night?
- Cause: I am drinking coffee and skipping breakfast.
- Effect: My blood sugar crashes, leaving me ravenous and unable to control my eating at night.
- Cause: I am not exercising.
- Effect: I feel sluggish and disconnected from my health goals, making it easy to give in to cravings.
- Cause: I don’t have a strong reason to lose weight.
- Effect: Without a clear purpose, I feel unmotivated and keep falling back into bad habits.
- Cause: I have not planned or prepped my meals during the day.
- Effect: By the evening, I’m too tired to make healthy choices and end up overeating unhealthy foods.
Visualizing the root causes of a problem helps you see everything clearly at once. It’s like putting all the pieces of the puzzle together to get a full picture of what’s going on. By mapping out the causes and their effects, you create a visual roadmap that ties all your earlier steps into one powerful tool for understanding and solving the problem
ACTIVITY | Determine the Problems True Cause.
Let’s dive into the heart of the matter. One of our most effective methods for pinpointing issues is conducting a “Cause and Effect” analysis. (found on page 07 of your workbook) This technique helps us uncover the underlying causes and their impacts, allowing us to address the root of the problem effectively.
NOTE: DIG DEEP! and be as honest and transparent with yourself as you can to achieve the best results. Weight gain is not an easy thing to disect internally. Really begin thinking about how you ended up here in the first place!
NOTE | No need to download if workbook availble.
From the Cause and Affect Analysis, write down your root causes, but as a question.
EXAMPLE:
Q: “Why Am I [Eating so much junk food]?
Then write down your own honest answers as to why? NOTE: Being more honest with yourself will produce better results.
EXAMPLE:
A: “I am busy, and cooking at home is just another thing on my to do list that makes me want to just give up. So I eat out instead.”
Overeating was a problem because of Jim’s “Love for Food.” He sought help and support to understand his problem and asked for guidance and direction. Jim confessed that he couldn’t lose weight, often skipped lunch, and consumed coffee as an appetite suppressant. At dinner, he tended to “devour everything available” and would often eat late at night in privacy. Different diets worsened the problem as he focused more on food. Losing weight meant an incredible restriction on his eating habits, leading to eating only salads and things he didn’t enjoy.
After multiple sessions, we figured out the root problem: inconsistency with what was being eaten, not knowing how to enjoy food, and lack of enjoyable exercises. We discovered he never did anything fun and had no daily or weekly plan for true progress.
Jim’s Causes and Effects
Cause: Skipped breakfast and drank coffee.
Effect: Blood sugar crashes, leading to low energy and overeating later in the day.
Cause: Only ate two meals a day
Effect: Left feeling hungry and prone to binge eating unhealthy foods
Cause: Didn’t enjoy healthy foods.
Effect: Avoided making nutritious choices, sticking to comfort foods instead.
Cause: Had no external motivation and tried to train in the morning despite being a non-morning person.
Effect: Workouts felt forced and unsustainable, leading to frustration and inconsistency.
Cause: Forced himself to run even though he hated it.
Effect: Built resentment toward exercise, making it harder to stick to a routine.
Cause: Drank a couple of drinks to relax at night.
Effect: Poor sleep quality and added empty calories to his diet.
Cause: Consumed 2-3 cups of coffee per day.
Effect: Became overly reliant on caffeine, masking fatigue instead of addressing it.
Cause: Felt too tight and stiff to push his body during workouts.
Effect: Avoided physical activity, reinforcing inactivity and discomfort.
Cause: Late-night eating of ice cream on the couch.
Effect: Consumed extra calories that contributed to weight gain and unhealthy habits.
Cause: Disliked vegetables and didn’t eat fruit.
Effect: Missed out on essential nutrients, leaving him with a poor diet and low energy.
Once we established Jim’s problems, we created a clear plan to tackle each one step by step. First, we built a strong “why” with a purpose and crafted a powerful mantra to keep him focused. Then we put solutions into action, introduced weekly weigh-ins, and maintained accountability throughout the process.
Here’s something I’ve learned: once people identify their problems, they instinctively know what to do. The real challenge isn’t figuring it out—it’s facing it. Our problems are often tied to social, societal, and structural factors. We live in a culture that shies away from accountability, and that mindset can hold you back. Many of my clients admit during life coaching sessions that they always knew what the problem was—they just didn’t want to face it.
Although this might be the scariest part of your journey, it will also be one of the most important. Identifying the problem is the first step to solving it. So let’s take that step together and start turning things around for you once and for all!
- Can you identify your probelm?
- Do you dwell on it regularly?
- Does it get in the way of your daily routine?
- What negative thoughts come up when you think about your weight or your body?
- Do you compare yourself to others and feel “less than”?
- Do you feel like a failure at work, school, or in social situations?
- Is there more than one problem?
- What are the stressors that contribute to your problem?
- How is your weight gain affected?
- What self-pitying thoughts creep in after binge eating?
- How do you feel before a social gathering, or when facing school or work challenges?
- Do you carry shame about your weight?
The more honest you are, the closer you’ll get to breaking free from what’s holding you back. Identifying your limiting beliefs is a crucial step in this process. Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts or assumptions you hold about yourself that create barriers to progress. These beliefs often come from past experiences, failures, or societal pressures, and they reinforce the idea that you’re not capable, worthy, or strong enough to make a change.
To uncover these beliefs, use the exercise below. It’s designed to help you pinpoint the specific situations, thoughts, or behaviors that reinforce the negative beliefs you have about yourself. Each blank represents an opportunity to identify the triggers and messages that keep you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt or inaction.
For example:
- “Skipping workouts reinforces my limiting belief that I am undisciplined.“
- “Overeating at night reinforces my limiting belief that I am out of control.“
- “Avoiding social gatherings reinforces my limiting belief that I am unworthy.“
ACTIVITY | What Reinforces Your Limiting Beliefe in Yourself
What are your negative thoughts when you think of your weight or your body? Do you think of yourself as less than others? Do you feel like a failure at school, work, or social settings? What self-pitying thoughts do you have after you binge eat? Or before a social gathering or school/work? Do you have shame about being overweight? These limits on yourself can limit your sucess.
EXAMPLE: My Lack Of Going to The Gym reinforcase my limiting belife that I am Lazy
NOTE: Make sure you list as many issues you can think of. Be as honest and transparent with yourself as you can to achieve the best results.
NOTE | No need to download if workbook availble.
Negativity is often an unconscious learned behavior. In other words, when we think negatively, we may not even notice it. It’s like wearing sunglasses—you forget they’re there, but they still shape how you see the world. To shift from negativity to a positive, empowered mindset, you need to reorganize your thoughts, rewire your brain, and strengthen your subconscious mind for success. Your brain is adaptable, but most of us don’t take the time to intentionally upgrade it.
That’s where this process comes in. Your thoughtful answers and the behavioral changes you make during this journey will rewire your brain for success. Understanding yourself and your weaknesses is key. Identifying your problems is the first step to breaking their hold on you.
Negativity and self-pity don’t serve you—they drain your energy and hold you back. When those bad habits creep in, remind yourself of this: you are a force to be reckoned with. Instead of wasting energy on anxiety and hiding, you’ll channel it into productive, measurable transformation. You’ve got the power to change, and nothing can stop you.
In the next section, we’ll dig deeper into how to shift your mindset and retrain your brain with my Work-In-Progress Theorem. You’ll learn how to identify your true problem, reframe your thinking, and take control of your progress with consistency and purpose. Together, we’ll build the mental tools you need to break free from negativity and move closer to the person you want to be.
You’ve got this, and nothing can stop you. Let’s keep moving forward!
You might think your weight is the problem, but it’s just a symptom of something deeper. For Sally, this realization changed everything. When she was younger, her parents tried everything—diet after diet, specialist after specialist—hoping to help her overcome her weight. But nothing worked. It wasn’t until Sally uncovered the real issue that she was able to make lasting change.
Figuring out the root problem isn’t easy on your own. I’ve been there. For years, I thought my stuttering was the problem. But the truth? It was a symptom of something deeper—my lack of confidence and the anxiety that reinforced it. I’d think things like, “Haven’t you already tried enough speech therapists? Haven’t you been humiliated enough?” That negative self-talk only made things worse, trapping me in a cycle of frustration and avoidance.
The same is true for weight loss. If you focus only on the surface problem—your weight—you miss what’s really keeping you stuck. For Sally, her weight wasn’t the root issue. It was her lack of self-worth and fear of failure that sabotaged her every attempt. For me, it wasn’t just the stuttering—it was the anxiety and negativity that fed the cycle.
Here’s the good news: once you identify the real problem, things start to change—fast. I remember how discouraging speech therapy felt when it didn’t help. But when I addressed the deeper issues, I felt stronger, more confident, and more secure with every step forward. That’s what this process is about—getting to the root so you can finally solve the problem for good.
Weight loss, like overcoming stuttering, is just as much a mental game as it is physical. Your thoughts reinforce the patterns that hold you back. For Sally, it was the belief she’d fail no matter what. For me, it was the certainty I’d stutter in certain situations—and because I believed it, I did. Anxiety only made it worse, triggering my nervous system to react as if I were in real danger, even when I wasn’t.
This course will help you calm those false alarms and build your confidence. Identifying the real problem is the first step to overcoming it. The solution lies beneath the surface. Sally and I both learned this the hard way, and now it’s your turn.
Diets may work for some, but let’s be real—they don’t work for everyone. That’s because they focus on weight as the problem, when in reality, weight is just a symptom. What most people don’t see is the toll obesity takes on your self-esteem and confidence. It’s more than just a number on the scale—it’s the way you feel when you walk into a room, the way you second-guess yourself in social situations, and the pain of being judged or picked on.
The problem with most diets, fitness classes, or even traditional therapies is that they only address the surface—the weight itself. They don’t tackle the negativity, avoidance, and anxiety that surround the issue. They don’t help you build self-love, self-confidence, or the courage to take control of your life and face your challenges head-on.
Here’s the truth: instilling courage and confidence in yourself is the real key to success. When you shift your focus to who you truly are and what you want to be, everything changes. Imagine walking into a room and feeling powerful—not because your weight has changed, but because your mindset has. Right now, you might feel like everyone’s watching you, waiting for you to eat or expecting you to fail. But here’s the thing: you don’t know what people are thinking, and it doesn’t matter.
What matters is how you think about yourself. This course is here to help you build the self-confidence you need to take back control. You’ll learn how to stop the momentum of obesity, transform your mindset, and take real, lasting steps toward becoming your best self. Start practicing feeling powerful in every part of your life—because that’s where the real transformation begins!
I remember a client who was overweight and in a life coaching session told me that growing up, every time she was in the lunch line at school, the same group would make animal noises like cow or pig sounds as she was ordering her lunch. Sometimes she cried while eating her lunch and would hide while eating it.
I think diet or weight loss plans never worked for her because no one ever tried to fix the self-loathing or the disappointment she had about being so different. A more impactful thing would have been meeting with a person who made her talk nicely to herself. Someone who made her look in a mirror and talk with confidence. Someone who told her she was a work in progress (WIP) without any obligation to be perfect. Someone who told her it was ok to be different. My mom and dad tried to provide the best help, but I internalized my mistakes as shame because I was truly so very fragile.
She remembers the looks of those kids at lunch and had terrible nightmares about their angry faces and animal noises.
There’s a fascinating phenomenon that’s invisible to those of us with a deep-rooted insecurity like this. We see concrete proof like those boys’ looks of disgust even when it’s not happening to us. The experience of being insulted or mislabeled occurs in enough situations that we misinterpret supposedly hurtful situations that are actually everyday, run-of-the-mill interactions. We’ve all probably been on the other side of this exchange with someone else, perhaps using a phrase or facial expression that was misconstrued by them as a negative jab.
Here’s a very fitting example of this from my life:
I remember working long hours at a gym and letting myself go. Another trainer gave me the nickname “fat fatty trainer.” I remember hearing those words and thinking, “How has it come to this?” I assumed everyone at that point was saying the same thing.
There’s no shame in the fact that our brains go this route, given the immense pain we’ve truly endured from others. Once you catch onto this phenomenon, you can at least be aware of the possibility of your brain sending false danger signals.
It takes some courage to nudge deeper into a potentially hurtful comment or look. It also takes some awareness of the other person’s character, personality, and track record in the past, since we don’t want to assume this is happening with a critical, unsupportive person.
Women are more likely than men to develop anxiety disorders. This is possibly due to the way the amygdala deals with stressful situations. To feel anxious, there must be a catalyst, such as a sight, smell, or memory, that triggers the feeling. The amygdala either prepares to fight or prepares to run. A male’s amygdalae produce more serotonin receptors than a female’s, as part of this process. This may result in males being less responsive to stressful stimuli and feelings of anxiety. The physical effects of anxiety are caused by the fight or flight response.
Your brain is incredible—it works hard to protect you, but sometimes it can work against you too. Let’s break it down so it’s easy to understand.
At the center of this is your amygdala, part of your brain’s limbic system. This is where your fight-or-flight response kicks in. Think of it as your emotional alarm system. It doesn’t think logically—it’s all about reacting to keep you safe. When your brain senses danger (even if it’s just stress or a bad memory), it floods your body with stress hormones like cortisol. Over time, if you’re constantly in fight-or-flight mode because of stress, trauma, or unhealthy habits, your brain can create a pattern of being “on high alert.” This makes it hard to feel calm and safe.
When this happens, your body gets thrown out of balance, or what we call homeostasis. Homeostasis is your body’s way of staying stable—it’s what keeps your temperature steady, your energy up, and your stress down. But if you’re stressed, not eating right, not sleeping, or dealing with trauma, your body can’t find that balance. And here’s the kicker: if your body isn’t in balance, it won’t let go of excess weight.
This might explain why past attempts to lose weight haven’t worked. If your brain and body are out of sync—stuck in stress mode—it’s impossible to move forward. The problem isn’t the weight itself; the weight is your body’s response to trauma or imbalance. That’s why it’s so important to figure out the root cause.
How Do We Fix This?
Good news—your brain is flexible and can rewire itself! This is called neuroplasticity, and it’s your brain’s ability to learn, unlearn, and create new patterns. Think of it like training your brain for a new habit. Just like some people can overcome fears (like being afraid of heights or spiders), you can teach your brain to respond differently to stress and trauma.
In the case of weight, we need to shift the focus from the symptom (the weight) to the cause (the stress, trauma, or imbalance). To do that, you need to start practicing positive self-talk. Simple phrases like, “I’m a work in progress!” or “I’m moving forward every day!” can help rewire your brain for success.
Your Tool: The Fishbone Exercise
To make this fun and easy, I created the Fishbone Exercise. Think of it like solving a mystery—this tool will help you uncover the root cause of your problem. By breaking it down into small, manageable pieces, you’ll start to see the patterns and habits that have been holding you back.
Remember, this is all part of your journey. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out yet—that’s why we’re here. Embrace the process, and remind yourself that every step forward is progress. Have fun with it!
Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. You’ve uncovered that your struggles—whether it’s weight, stress, or something else—are symptoms of deeper issues. By exploring the root causes, you’ve started to understand how your brain, habits, and past experiences have created patterns that hold you back. This is a huge step forward, and it’s worth celebrating!
Through tools like the Fishbone Exercise and shifting your mindset, you’re beginning to move from “I can’t” to “I’m a work in progress.” This isn’t just about changing your body—it’s about transforming your life. Each small victory builds momentum, and every step forward brings you closer to taking control and rewriting your story.
Now it’s time to take that momentum into the next phase. The next chapter will focus on creating clear, actionable plans and building a foundation for lasting success. You’ve shown you’re ready to do the hard work—now let’s dive even deeper. Your transformation is just beginning, and I’m here with you every step of the way. Let’s keep going!
ACTIVITY | What Reinforces Your Limiting Beliefe in Yourself
What are your negative thoughts when you think of your weight or your body? Do you think of yourself as less than others? Do you feel like a failure at school, work, or social settings? What self-pitying thoughts do you have after you binge eat? Or before a social gathering or school/work? Do you have shame about being overweight? These limits on yourself can limit your sucess.
EXAMPLE: My Lack Of Going to The Gym reinforcase my limiting belife that I am Lazy
NOTE: Make sure you list as many issues you can think of. Be as honest and transparent with yourself as you can to achieve the best results.
NOTE | No need to download if workbook availble.
