Internal dialogue shapes how we approach challenges and achieve goals. This lesson focuses on harnessing positive self-talk to replace negative patterns and create a powerful self-accountability system. By recognizing and reprogramming the thoughts that undermine progress, participants will learn to build confidence, maintain focus, and stay aligned with their objectives. Through practical exercises and examples, this lesson empowers learners to leverage inner dialogue as a tool for consistent success and personal transformation.
- Duration
- Workbook Pages
- Assements
- Exercises
- Video
“Learning and developing your internal dialogue may be the most important tool you will learn to get the weight off and keep it off.”
Your brain is wired for survival, not comfort. It’s always on the lookout for threats, constantly steering you away from anything that feels risky or uncomfortable—even when it’s the very thing you need to grow. That’s why it’s so easy to stay stuck in old habits. Your brain’s default setting is to keep you safe, not necessarily to make you successful.
Here’s the catch: the voice in your head often reinforces that safety-first mentality. When you face a challenge, it might say things like, “You can’t do this,” or “Why bother? You’ll fail anyway.” It’s not because your brain wants you to fail—it’s because it’s trying to protect you from discomfort. But success requires stepping out of that comfort zone.
This is where internal dialogue comes in. By taking control of your thoughts, you can rewrite the story your brain is telling you. Instead of letting it hold you back, you can train it to push you forward.
One way to retrain your brain is by using what I call the Looking Forward Principle. It’s simple: plan ahead for the things you want, so you can enjoy them guilt-free and without feeling like you’re sacrificing joy.
I learned this lesson the hard way. Once, when I was trying to get lean for an event, I decided to eat nothing but tuna and green beans for every meal. I told myself this was the only way to hit my goals. For a while, I stuck to it, but then one day, the Girl Scouts showed up at my door selling cookie dough. At first, I resisted. But the more I told myself I couldn’t have it, the more I obsessed over it. Eventually, I broke and ate half the tub. I felt awful—physically and mentally.
Looking back, the problem wasn’t the cookie dough. It was the all-or-nothing mindset. If I had planned ahead for something I really wanted, like a slice of pizza or a bowl of ice cream, I wouldn’t have felt deprived, and the cookie dough wouldn’t have had so much power. That’s the Looking Forward Principle in action: planning for joy lets you stay in control while still enjoying life.
Let’s say you’re at work, and someone brings in donuts. Your brain goes into overdrive:
- “I can’t have a donut. I’m already 30 pounds overweight.”
- “If I eat it, I’ll just binge later. But if it’s still there by noon, maybe it’s meant to be.”
This kind of thinking gives the donut all the power. But what if, instead, you told yourself:
- “I can have a donut if I want, but I’m planning to enjoy some movie popcorn on Saturday instead. That’s part of my plan, and I’d rather have the movie popcorn on Saturday than the donut today.”
By looking forward and making a plan, you’re taking control. You’re not depriving yourself—you’re making a choice that aligns with your goals. This shifts your internal dialogue from restriction and shame to empowerment and freedom.
Your brain is powerful, but it’s not the boss—you are. By changing your internal dialogue and using tools like the Looking Forward Principle, you can harness your brain’s power to work for you, not against you. Success isn’t about never wanting the donut; it’s about deciding when and how you want it on your terms. When you take charge of your thoughts, you take charge of your life.
Can I Eat Donuts?
At work, we have someone who brings in donuts and we think, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe she is bringing in donuts. I am on a diet and cannot have donuts, and I am already 30 pounds overweight.” Then the deal is, if the donuts with the white icing and sprinkles are there by noon, it’s fate that we should be together. So every time someone comes to take a donut, we are all focused on the deal and the donut has increased in power. If someone takes the donut, we just end up binging on something later that day. Internal dialogue, when positive, can remind us we are in control of what we eat and when, and that donuts have no power. Let’s take the power back and say we can have that donut but choose to have some movie popcorn on Saturday. This sets a new positive internal dialogue and defeats the shame monster that ensues after the donut
Part One
We all have that little voice in our heads. Sometimes it cheers us on; other times, it’s a critic that won’t shut up. What it says matters because it shapes how you act and how you feel about yourself. If it’s constantly tearing you down, it’s like trying to run a race with someone tripping you every step of the way.
Psychologists like Russell Hurlburt have found that our thoughts aren’t always what we think they are. For most people, the voice in their head isn’t always talking—it could be feelings, flashes of images, or even just noise. A lot of us never stop to notice what’s actually going on up there. And that’s the problem: if you’re not paying attention, you let those negative thoughts run the show without even realizing it.
Here’s how to flip it:
Psychologists like Charles Fernyhough say that when you start paying attention, it’s surprising how much you learn about yourself. Your inner voice doesn’t have to be your enemy—it can be your best coach. But it starts with listening, questioning, and deciding to make it work for you, not against you.
Part Two
Your inner voice isn’t just one thing—it’s more like a cast of characters, each with its own role to play. In a 2015 study, psychologist Malgorzata Puchalska-Wasyl found that people often have different “voices” in their heads that show up in different situations. These voices include:
These roles might shift depending on what you’re dealing with—whether it’s prepping for a big test, hitting the gym, or navigating a tough day.
Psychologist Russell Hurlburt, who has spent decades helping people understand their inner experiences, is less focused on why these roles exist and more interested in what people are actually thinking. He’s trained hundreds of people—from veterans to everyday individuals—to tune in and get clearer on their thoughts.
But it’s not easy. Some experts, like philosopher Eric Schwitzgebel, argue that we’re often wrong about what’s really going on in our heads. It’s like trying to grab smoke—it’s there, but hard to pin down. Even advanced methods like combining thought tracking with brain scans show that people’s brains light up differently depending on whether their inner voice is spontaneous or directed by an outside task.
What’s the takeaway? Your inner voice isn’t just one clear, consistent thing. It shifts, changes, and reacts to what’s happening in your life. By noticing these patterns, you can start to steer that dialogue in a way that helps instead of hinders. When you understand what’s going on in your head, you can make those voices work together toward your goals. Instead of being trapped by criticism or doubt, you can amplify the voices that push you forward.
Let’s be real—your inner voice never stops. Whether you’re driving, scrolling Instagram, or just zoning out, you’re constantly talking to yourself:
- “How do they even afford vacations like that?”
- “Why can’t I stick to anything? This person’s been journaling for years.”
- “Don’t mess this up. Just survive the meeting without looking stupid.”
If someone printed out everything you think about yourself, what would it say? Would it be helpful or harsh?
Here’s the deal: the way you talk to yourself matters—a lot. Researchers, like those at the Inner Speech Lab in Canada, have found that this self-talk affects everything from how you solve problems to how you stay motivated. Your inner dialogue helps you make sense of what’s happening, figure out what to do next, and even imagine your future. It’s like a mental flashlight, helping you see what’s going on inside.
Without it, you’d feel lost. Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor described the silence she experienced after a stroke—it was disorienting, like losing touch with herself. That’s how important your inner voice is.
So here’s the question: is your inner voice helping or holding you back? If it leans negative, it’s time to take control. Don’t beat yourself up or try to shut it down—that’ll just create more stress. Instead, notice when your thoughts turn critical, and try to steer them in a kinder direction. Encourage yourself the way you’d encourage a friend. Give yourself credit, cut yourself some slack, and keep going.
This is about building a daily habit of positive self-talk to keep you on track. You’re with yourself 24/7, so why not make that relationship a good one?
Think of your head as your attic. If we ignore the sounds (inner dialogue) that upset us, frighten us, or tell us, “You’re not going to succeed anyway, so go ahead and eat an entire box of cookies,” we will be paralyzed and never reach our goals. What we’re going to do is go up there, fight whatever monsters we find, and clean it out. We’re going to keep the good stuff and throw out the bad. In simple terms, we’re going to change the things we say to ourselves so that we move closer and closer to our goals. We’re going to replace negative inner dialogue with positive inner dialogue.
Never think of blue, don’t think of blue, don’t ever think of Blue… you can’t think of Blue you shouldn’t think of Blue. Blue is bad for you.
This is the same thing we do when we are on a diet and discussing cookies or brownies. The don’ts will get ya!! The same goes for your failure, a disappointment, a disgrace whether from you or someone else. The negative internal dialogue creates a system of failure.
Write Correct Dialogue
“I can have anything within moderation. I am an adult and can have my cake first. I am choosing to have the wedding cake and champagne at the wedding this weekend. I will add more exercise to my plan to avoid feeling bad. This is part of my plan, not a slip-up or negative thing. It’s balanced, baby!”
Inner dialogue is very much like visualization, only instead of using the power of our visual imagination, we are going to take control of the dialogue that occurs in our heads. Also, like visualization, positive inner dialogue is a powerful weapon against anything blocking your path to success. If you practice it habitually, positive outcomes are unavoidable.
When we say the word “dialogue,” most of us think of lines movie characters speak or words between quotation marks in books. That is true. But even more true is that dialogue is a tool that screenwriters and authors use. And for good reason. Of course, it keeps the viewer or reader from being bored out of their mind, but the main reason writers use it is to move the story in the direction they want it to go. Most importantly, writers use dialogue because it reveals vital information about the character. Much of how we feel and think about a character is based on what that character says and what others say about him or her. Just as writers use dialogue as a tool, we are going to use inner dialogue as a weapon against your monsters. We are going to move your story in the direction you want it to go and reveal the character that YOU want to be!
First, we have to be aware of the stream of words in the background and foreground of our minds. We have to pay close attention to the words we say to ourselves and identify how they undermine our progress. Then we are going to change the dialogue by talking to ourselves in a manner that brings us closer and closer to our weight loss and fitness goals.
So you come out of the store, feeling better than ever, and then BOOM! There it is…the enticing, haunting aroma of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. The evil scent is a monster. You feel it pulling you in. The voice in your head goes to work: “I really shouldn’t. Well, just one. I’ve earned it. But I’ve come so far. One won’t hurt.” You’re paralyzed, thinking about placing your order. It’s time for a decision. What do you do:
- Eat the hell out of some cinnamon rolls?
- Order just one?
- Turn and run?
- Walk confidently away with a spring in your step, while wearing the sexy new shoes you just bought?
Imagining yourself in situations like this is great visualization practice as well as an amazing way to keep you focused on the perfect you. Try to imagine yourself in all kinds of situations that you encounter daily. Or if you want to get creative, imagine yourself in places and situations that you might not experience frequently, but you’d like to!
ACTIVITY | Write out your self Dialogue Story
This activity is a transformative exercise designed to help you take control of your internal dialogue and reframe it into a powerful tool for personal success. Here’s how it works:
NOTE: By completing this activity, you’ll gain a clearer understanding of how your internal dialogue has shaped your journey and develop a proactive, positive mindset to propel you toward your goals. This story becomes a tool you can revisit and refine as you continue your path to success.
NOTE | No need to download if workbook availble.
