Throughout my life, I have been different things to different people, including myself! I grew up with perfectionist parents who wanted me to measure up to their standards. If I was drinking a glass of milk and a drip was at the corner of my mouth, my mother would grab a dish towel and catch the drip mid-air before it reached the floor. Our home was always spotless, with the exception of my room. I was often called out as an inadequate slob for leaving it messy. I tried to tiptoe the perfectionist line but was just a normal kid with toys and playtime on my mind. My parents’ demand for perfection did have its advantages. I could be a real maniac about practice, working out, getting up early, and staying late if need be. It was through this I discovered Eric the Perfectionist.

Somehow, I always seemed to drift back into perfectionism. For me, something about aiming for heights is comforting and familiar. I told myself that if I was always striving and never satisfied, I would keep reaching higher and accomplishing bigger and better things. All I could think about was being perfect, and knowing that every time I opened my mouth, I wouldn’t be able to control the stutter, made me cringe and want to hide away and not speak. In the end, I realized that to combat being a perfectionist, I had to be okay with being a flawed person. That’s how I started feeling like my flaw was actually my superpower. I began to focus on the things I could control, and by doing that, I empowered myself in every way. This made me more confident, and with each confident step I took, I stuttered less as I didn’t think about it as much. It didn’t consume me anymore!

Years later, my perfectionist tendencies related to working out caused me to burn out. I fell into and out of binge eating, putting on weight, and then losing it. At the time, it was all or nothing! When I was in the “all” mode, I’d focus on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. Sometimes I’d work out obsessively, while other times I’d just veg out at the beach. After doing virtually nothing for a while, I’d get involved in a seminar or training program, thinking it held the key to my success. Whatever I did, it was all or nothing. Exercise, exercise, exercise. Then work, work, work. Then family, family, family. And on and on it went. This is how I discovered Eric All or Nothing.

Every time I focused on one thing, the others would lack. Not focusing on the whole self for someone who stutters is a means to no end. For someone who stutters, consistency and structure are super important. Just like children need structure to grow up and have the education they need, a stutterer needs the structure and consistency of the full person to be successful. I believe that stuttering is caused by trauma. The trauma feeds off insecurity and lack of confidence. So if you focus on your stutter, you feed the insecurity, and the stutter gets worse. If you focus on the balanced scale of your life, you are no longer feeding this insecurity. You are becoming more secure and confident. All or Nothing can work for you if your balanced scale is off and you focus on the completion of one task. But that’s not worth it if you are going to forsake everything else for that one thing. You have to learn to balance the scales!

At other times in my life, I have felt a lack of meaning, a void that I tried to fill with material possessions—the latest and greatest in cars and other toys. This led to finding Eric the Void.

In college, I was searching for a career path and often tried on other people’s interests for size. I dated a girl whose father was an engineer and, for a while, wondered if that was the road I should take. For several years, I considered a range of different careers: teacher, actor, standup comedian, musician, and more, until I decided to focus most of my energies on helping people reach their fitness goals. And by this, I found Eric the Searcher.

Over the years, my friends have watched me go through changes, and sometimes it was not pretty. Because I am a big guy, it seemed that every time I’d go to a club, somebody would challenge me to a fight. I would usually dive right in and have the scars to prove it. That was a long time ago, though, before I settled down and gained some perspective. But my friends still talk about the old Eric as if he were a character from a book or movie.
From all these changes, I have learned the importance of balance and that extreme behavior can be extremely destructive. It is fine to be a perfectionist, but not if you lose your perspective and priorities. The same holds true with the all-or-nothing approach. It is not good to focus on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. This is no way to live your life, foster relationships, or find real happiness.

Below is a short quiz that will help you determine where you fit. Then we can discover how to maximize your chances for long-term success!